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Death and Life

昨天做了一个梦,梦到自己被判了死刑。
梦的前半段只有心悸。发现最痛苦的,并不是黑暗本身,而是看着夕阳最后一丝光芒被吞没时的绝望。
求了人,没有用,亲朋友人也只是惋惜地看着我。没有用,死亡面前没人有特权。
后半段模模糊糊地想起来那是个梦,我其实不用死,就舒心了许多。然而醒来后这舒心又一次消失了,因为我想起来了,每个人都被判了死刑,没有人有例外。

今天也不知是不是巧合,在看福斯特的《小说面面观》时,正巧看到了关于死亡的片段。
“我们从黑暗里来,又到黑暗里去。”他说。


    To consider the two strangest first: birth and death; strange because they are at the same time experiences and not experiences. We only know of them by report. We were all born, but we cannot remember what it was like. And death is coming even as birth has come, but, similarly, we do not know what it is like. Our final experience, like our first, is conjectural. We move between two darknesses. Certain people pretend to tell us what birth and death are like: a mother, for instance, has her point of view about birth; a doctor, a religious, have their points of view about both. But it is all from the outside, and the two entities who might enlighten us, the baby and the corpse, cannot do so, because their apparatus for communicating their experiences is not attuned to our apparatus for reception.  ---Foster


死亡也许正是屋中的大象,我们谁也不愿提,却又时刻活在被其支配的恐惧里。

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